It doesn't even matter that I set my alarm on my phone to move the creepy thing every night. It doesn't matter that I spent an obscene amount of time browsing "elf on the shelf ideas" on Pinterest (after 351 hours, our elf doesn't do any of the things on Pinterest). Sidenote: Who are you people? Who has time to do these elaborate scenes of snowball fights and toothpaste wars and oh my gosh, how do you leave it set up all day without touching the elf?! But also, I love your creativity so I'm less mad at you and more wishing your kids didn't have to tell my kid about it.
Why am I such an elf-hater (insert Republican bigot jokes here)? If I didn't want to participate, why did I buy the elf? Well, it's funny you should bring that up because I didn't buy the elf. Thank you, Grandma! And let me clarify that I don't hate him. I actually love creating magic for my children and doing fun things to make this time of year special. It's just that remember how my brain is broken? Case in point:
Yes, he spent at least three days (Nia swears it was four) like this:
I set the alarm, I reminded myself continuously on the way home from work, talking to myself for the whole twenty-five minute drive, "Don't forget about the elf. Where should we put him tonight? Don't forget about the elf. Don't forget about the elf!" I would get home, start talking to Tony, the alarm would, "DING!" (oh yeah! the elf!), I would keep talking, make a cup of tea, sit on the couch and...three (four) days later.
So last night we put out our slippers for St. Nicholas. We spent some time yesterday discussing how he is a protector of children and the Church and how we recognize him today so that is why he comes to visit...and how he comes on Christmas because he celebrates Jesus' birth with all of us. Naturally, Nia saw an opportunity for intervention and decided to enlist his help with the elf.
This magic doesn't last very long. So if we have to learn about St. Nicholas in conjunction with saving a stuffed toy with a painted on serial-killer grin from the tangled web of snowflake lights - so be it. Tony says they will hate us one day for all the deception. I'm thinking they will love us for letting them be little for as long as possible.
Oh, and Saint Nicholas did not disappoint:
Obviously, I need help. Feel free to leave SIMPLE solutions for the elf in the comments below!